I had a really small period and I was like “maybe I just miscarried a tiny fetus” and then I realized I haven’t had sex since Columbus landed in the Americas
I realize this sounds like I fucked Columbus. I want to clarify. Just so there’s no confusion, I did. I did fuck Columbus.
how to walk like a queen [x]
Okay so this shit is in my likes and it’s come across my dash a few times since but this is the first time I’ve seen it since the following happened to me:
One time I was in Manhattan and I had a lot of walking to do and I was bored and was thinking about this gifset and I thought, huh, lets try it. So I did and I was thinking queenly, murderous thoughts and trying to see if people were more willing to get out of my way when I walked like this and then, I watch a guy pass me, do a double take, then a triple take.
Then he engages me in polite conversation for a block or two, tells me I have beautiful hair, then asks me out of drinks.
CHARLIZE THERON IS A SMART LADY BUT HER ADVICE IS POWERFUL. USE IT WISELY AND WITH CAUTION, MEN MIGHT START THROWING THEMSELVES AT YOU.
I’m at the grocery store with my grandparents and my grandpa has wandered away and now my grandma is going up every isle yelling his name and im hiding behind a cookie display cuz i dont want anyone to know im with the crazy woman screaming dick at the top of her lungs