And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”
And Abraham replied, “What.”
God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”
To which they responded, “Gay.”
And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.
see you all in hell
The woodlands <3
Imagine your OTP playing a timed trivia game. While Person A is trying to answer the questions, Person B tries to distract them so they can win. Person A starts running their fingers through Person B’s hair. Then Person A continues to run their hands down Person B’s body until they start rubbing Person B’s crotch. Person B gets flustered, loses, glares at Person A, picks up them up, and takes them to the bedroom.
- people walking behind me: giggles at what their friend said
- me: are they laughing at me is there something on the back of my pants is there a bug on me do i really look that bad today is my underwear showing why did i leave the house this morning please stop looking at me